I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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