So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
