i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
