Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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