all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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