cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
