I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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