Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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