I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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