Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
