The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
