How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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