i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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