Pants 0. Shit 1.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
