last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
