I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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