Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
