it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize