Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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