I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
