used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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