what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
