So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Two words: nipple clamps
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