Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
