I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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