Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
someone owes me an orgasm
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
