please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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