I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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