Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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