I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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