is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize