I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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