Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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