Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
