I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
