I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
