I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
