she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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