i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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