dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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