I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
