This girl is more easily done than said...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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