Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
