My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize