with your own penis?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
