i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
