I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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