i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
