some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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