Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
