my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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