I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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