A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
