Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
