I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize