We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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