I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
