How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
