you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
