Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
