Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
