I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
