I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
