Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize