Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Mom said you looked used
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
