I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
