She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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