So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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