call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
