I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
