I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
