i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
