my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
