i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The uberlube is also flammable
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Enjoy the penises
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
