but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
