can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
