I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
