just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
