So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
