we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
