Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
