I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
