your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
