look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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