dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
