She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize