Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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