Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Someone signed my nipple.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
