:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
