This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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