What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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