Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Text me some of your sweat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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