You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize